Racism and new friends

This morning, I made what I hope is my last trip to the grocery store for the onslaught of holiday cooking I have to undertake this week. I had a crap ton of groceries and I always feel vaguely bad about making a checker go through all of that stuff, so I try to be as nice and fast as possible.

About my cashier: she was an absolutely lovely black woman. She had the hair, the nails that require her to use her knuckles to push buttons on the register, the jewelry and three, count 'em, three(!!) neck tattoos. We're going along and she's ringing me up and making small talk. At one point, she asks me about the cheese I bought and if it was any good. I told her it was and that I liked it a great deal. She went into a little speech about how her boyfriend always tells her she's going to be constipated if she eats cheese.

I said "boys are the worst."

She replied with "GIRL! Yes. They. Are."

and without thinking I said "I'd sell mine south if I could get away with it."

Yes.

I.

Mother.

Fucking.

Did. 

And then realized what I'd said and how incredibly racist it was. In my defense, I just finished re-reading "Gone With the Wind" for the umpteenth time, so the phrase was on top-brain. It's not like I would have just spouted that off at random. I'm not that fucking clever.

I looked back up at this poor woman who I was POSITIVE was going to come over the counter at me, and she's got the biggest, widest eyes I have ever seen.

She asked "did you just say you were going to sell your old man south?"

"Uh...um, well..."

At this point, she dies laughing. I mean, she was still standing and all, but no. She was dead from the laugh. It was loud and crazy and from her gut. I didn't think we were going to get to finish the groceries. She said "I have GOT to remember that one!" and died again.

Eventually, we get the groceries finished and she tells me I'm her new favorite friend and to make sure to see her next time I'm in the store.

She's probably going to get her friends together to beat me to death for being a white supremacist.

I won't be able to go back in there for months. 

A. that I think I'm done with the groceries for the week.

and B. for amazing black women with awesome senses of humor and much forgiveness for stupid white girls.

I don't know what the schedule will be for the next few days, so if I don't talk to you again, have a wonderful holiday week, or, regular week, depending on where you are.

XOXO