Guilt

I've been off work for over two months. This is the longest I haven't worked since I was thirteen. I was only off work for six weeks when LovelyGirl was born.

I cannot begin to explain the guilt I have over this. Old Man keeps telling me that it's been good having me here taking care of the house and errands and things that we usually had to spend our entire weekends doing, but it's making me a little crazy.

I spent most of my childhood being accused of being lazy, and I think it's affected my grown-up life a great deal. I've always worked hard - even when I was a kid - and been terrified of missing something or not getting something done. That was part of the reason I left my job. I was repeatedly accused of not doing something that a. had nothing to do with me (quite clearly someone else's responsibility) but b. was evidently something I was supposed to be doing. I simply couldn't keep trying to figure out whose job descriptions were changing resulting in a change on mine. And it's not like it was ever brought to my attention. If someone had said "Hey, Bitch- this is your job now," I'd have been all over it, gotten it done and there would have been zero issues.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

At any rate, life is good, but still... I have this guilt. I'm hoping it fades as I continue in this new part of my life. I want to enjoy the time I have to do the things I want / need to do without worrying about it.

I just don't think I'm cut out for 'retirement'.