The Big Time-Consumer

On top of working full-time (when I did), managing the house and family and you know, stupid things like 'having a life', I somehow started an animal rescue.

Stop.

Right.

There.

Do not for one bloody second imagine cute and cuddly and sweet and four-legged.

They're not. I assure you.

At least, not most of them.

It started with a tortoise. That's all. Just one. A lady I worked with asked if I had a dog. At the time, I didn't, so she asked if I might be interested in providing a home for an elderly tort.

Sure.

Why the hell not? 

How hard could it be?

Ha!

Clyde joined the family in the summer of 2004 and has been with us ever since. He's approximately 87 years old now and still runs the back yard. In addition to Clyde, we've taken in hundreds of tortoises, snakes, lizards, turtles, birds, small mammals, big mammals, fish and insects. We don't still HAVE hundreds, but there's quite a few. I'll start adding the pictures and stories as we go, just so you can see who I share my home with. 

For now, here's an easy one to get you started:

The ever-friendly Bacon.

See? Not furry, but not too scary, right?

This is Bacon. He is a blue-tongued skink. Can you see the murderous rage in his eyes? 

No?

I promise you, it's there. 

Bacon is one of OldMan's favorites. Probably because they have the similar rage issues. In all reality, both put up a big front of being giant assholes, but are really very sweet.

Once they've eaten.

I got the call about Bacon a couple of years ago from a lovely young lady at a local Petsmart. Evidently, his previous owners decided they no longer wanted him, so they left him in a shopping cart outside the store in the middle of the night. 

Usually, when we get in abandoned animals, they are starved, sick and almost dead. I frequently can do nothing for them but take them in and have them put down. It's heartbreaking sometimes, even though it's not a dog or cat, because really, they're still someone's pets. Someone liked these animals enough to give them a home - and usually spend quite a bit of money on them - and then chucked them out.

Bacon was different.

He was morbidly obese, healthy and friendly. We have no idea why they gave him up, especially in the way they did. We like to come up with backstories for the animals involving ultra-secret spy work and evil plans to take over the world. In Bacon's case, he was the premiere reptile undercover operator. He was busy tracking illicit imports from his perch in a skeevy warehouse. Someone discovered what he was up to and dropped him in a box being mailed to Antarctica. He managed to chew his way out with his killer teeth (of which there are many!) and leave the postal truck. Unfortunately, he fell directly into a shopping cart that rolled straight to the front door of a major corporation. He was trapped. He now works quietly from our animal room, interrogating and educating the animals that come through the facility. 

At any rate, he has become a permanent part of our collection. At some point, someone remind me, and I'll video one of his feeding times. Watching him eat is serious business.